Lessons from a Past Life

The merciless sun was beating down and sweat was pouring down my face. My feet were blocks of cement strapped to the stumps of my legs, and I wanted nothing more than to lay down on my back, smack dab in the middle of Michigan Avenue, hoping that I wouldn’t get run over. Instead, I just kept muttering an insipid Nike slogan to myself, “Don’t suck. Just do it.”.

Of course, I assume that I wasn’t the only person out there feeling that way: after all, it was mile 23 of the Chicago Marathon. It was perfect spectating weather -- mid 70’s and sunny -- which meant that it was not exactly great marathon weather (the sunburn I’d have at day’s end would attest to that fact).

But, let me start at the beginning. It was October 2011 and this was my fourth marathon, my third Chicago Marathon. After each marathon, I always swore that this would be the last. Really, the last one! Honest! But then, as the agony of the last marathon faded, it would be replaced by the angst of the unsettled score I had with the distance: the completion of a sub-4 hour marathon. And that's how I got to be in the middle of Michigan Avenue, ready to pass out, looking as if I were on a death march.

Spoiler alert: I didn't go sub-4 hour. My finish time was 4:09:40, just a little bit over what I had wanted, but it didn't matter -- I was ecstatic. And the whole experience taught me lessons that I'd do well to keep in mind:

Training matters
Every day, there was something I had to do and I had to want it more than I wanted that cookie or to sleep in. And going against everything I thought I knew to be true about myself, I trained, trained hard and kept at it with a consistency that I didn't think I had in me. No matter what anyone says, the hard goals in life require dogged preparation.  

If it were easy, everyone would do it
Sure, there were 45,000 other runners around me, but still over 2.6 million people just in the city of Chicago that weren't doing it because they didn't think they could. Hard goals separate you from the crowd.

When the going gets tough, the tough just keep plodding along
There were parts of the marathon that just flew by, like the early miles when my biggest worry was whether I was running too fast or if I should have Gatorade at this water stop or the next. And then there were the other 24 miles where just about every cell in my body wanted to quit, but even still there were those few rebel cells in my body that whispered, “Just a few more steps…” over and over. Just move forward -- that’s all that counts.

The finish line is the shizz
I made the left turn onto Columbus Avenue and saw the finish line banner up ahead, waving in the breeze. I saw the time clock, sadly past 4 hours, but not yet hitting 4:10. I unearthed 45 seconds of what felt like sprinting (in reality, um, yea, not so much) and crossed the finish line, arms raised in triumph, hearing the announcer say my name. And with that, I fell to my knees, simultaneously laughing and sobbing, and was just so damn relieved that it was over (side note: there’s no better way to attract cute EMTs than to fall over after running a marathon).

There’s no better feeling than being proud of yourself and your effort
After assuring the EMTs that I really was okay, I could feel the sense of accomplishment and fierce pride spread through me. I did it. I really, truly did it. Perhaps I hadn't hit my 4 hour goal, but I had trained as hard as I knew how and I didn't quit out on the course, not once. I knew that I had pushed as hard as was possible and that feeling, well, there’s just nothing like it.

And that’s really the main takeaway from all this: I can do whatever I want and anything is possible. All it takes is commitment and consistency and the deep down desire to get it. I've done it before, I can do it again. Any goal is just a marathon in disguise.

2014 has come and gone in a flash -- isn't that always the way? Like Gretchen Rubin says, "The days are long but the years are short". So true.

2014 was a good year.  Sure, there are definitely some goals that I didn't hit, but overall it's been a fun year. I feel like I'm settling more into being true to myself and overall I'm FAR less concerned about what people think of who that person is.  I've taken a few awesome trips, discovered the joy of learning how to balance on a slackline and even started teaching myself a few things about web design -- a few of the many things accomplished during 2014 and only a fraction of things for which I am grateful.

And what's on the docket for 2015?  You'll notice that anything weight/fitness related is conspicuously absent from the list -- it's easy enough to say that I want to lose weight and get into shape, but I'm still not positive what form that will take, so I've decided to just leave my options open. But, that's not going to stop me from making my annual list.  I mean, what would January 1st be without resolutions?

2015:  The Year of Growth

Meditate every day  I know.  I know!  I’m a little afraid to commit this idea to (virtual) paper, but it’s now been 17 days that I’ve done it (going through the program at headspace.com) and I’m strangely enjoying it.  I still don’t know exactly what benefit I’m getting out of the practice, but somewhere deep inside, I feel like this might be key to something important. If nothing else, it gives me a block of time to be mindful and relaxed and grateful.

Read 50 books  Upping my last year’s goal by 150% and would like to split it about evenly between fiction and non-fiction. Along with this -- recording each book read on Goodreads.  I really love to be able to see exactly what books I’ve read and what I thought of them.

Go through all classes on codecademy.com  I just never make enough time for this but I really do want to learn these skills.  This is one of those hobbies that once I start doing it, time just flies. There’s something about creating and coding that gives me a confidence and pleasure that I don’t get in many other places.

Keep journaling daily -- and read through the corresponding entry from a year ago  This is a continuation from last year; definitely something worth doing.

Teach old dogs new tricks  Gotta keep the dogs stimulated and mentally sharp, Clarke especially.  Belle gets a fair amount of physical exercise (we play fetch where I stand on the main floor of the house and throw the ball up to the 2nd floor loft), but Clarke is a lazy butt (and also seems to spend a lot of time all gimped up) and so learning new tricks is a great way to tire him out and keep him learning new stuff.

Digitize my life as much as possible  Bills, photos, any type of paperwork -- it's all about getting organized and removing clutter.  And can't forget to also implement a backup scheme!

Complete the 30 Days of Writing online  Sarah Peck is starting a One Month of Writing Prompts -- 750 words a day for a month -- and I’m all signed up.  It’s free and I’m hoping that it gets me back into the habit of writing every day.  I avoid writing sometimes just because it’s hard … but I know (full well) that the more often I do it, the easier it becomes.  Funny how so many things in life are like this.

Focus on self-care -- whole foods, good sleep, good sweat and practicing gratitude on a daily basis  I need to give more importance to my physical and emotional well-being.  If I can’t keep my eyes open, if I’m not getting fresh food and I’m not paying attention to the moments that happen every day to be thankful for, then I’m not being kind to the most important person in my life.

On. Off. Black. White. Binge. Restrict.

Still here.  I've started at least half a dozen posts and just haven't finished them, my creative writing spark nowhere to be found.  And I spent the last day or so writing something absolutely profound, and after installing some updates and rebooting, POOF! it's gone.  I thought I had saved... apparently not.  The Blogging gods are angry tonight.

Anyway - let's talk about binge and restrict cycles, okay?  This has been at the forefront of my brain for awhile now, mostly because I'm definitely in the binge part of the cycle and instead of just looking to get back to restricting, I want to figure out a way to break the cycle completely.  Move the behaviors to the middle, avoiding the extremes of either the binge or restrict, because while I love roller coasters, I'm not so fond of my nutrition taking the same kind of ride.

An interesting side note: my binge/restrict is not only about my eating, it's also my spending habits. More interestingly, spending almost always ebbs and flows along with my eating; it's rare when I'm being nutritionally sound but spending money on all the things on my I WANT IT NOW list. So it's been like an early Christmas around here -- food, treats and gifts galore.

Back to food. There's a theory out there simply called Eat The Food (ETF) that posits that a lot of disordered eating starts after undergoing dieting of some sort -- that by cutting out some foods completely from your diet you set yourself up for a binge at some later point.  The way to break this cycle is to go through a period where you eat anything you want, whenever you want.  They advocate listening to your body and only eating when hungry and only eating until satisfaction (not overeating), but that if you want, say, Pop-Tarts for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, that's what you should eat.

The end game is changing the way you think about food -- you take the stigma and draw away from eating once-forbidden foods.  Foods are no longer classified as "good" or "bad" -- it's all just calories, no judgment involved.  Perhaps veggies and lean meat provide more energy, but that doesn't mean you can't be fueled by chocolate. Eventually you learn what makes you feel good and perform your best and because nothing is off the table (see what I did there?), there's no reason to binge anymore.  You can have anything you want to eat at anytime -- no need to eat like it's the last time you'll ever see that particular food again.

I'll say this much:  after a few months of "being good" and eating clean (see how the restrict cycle gets a "good" judgment attached to it?), I'm on the other side of that spectrum right now, eating all sorts of crap (another judgment) without any sort of restraint. And I'll be honest -- I feel like I'm about done with this binge, but I need to figure out some way to not go into a full-on restrict phase because a binge will likely follow.

And I'm not entirely sure how to do this. In the past it's always been that if I eat one I'll eat 20 -- it's not enough until it's gone. I've talked about this before, but I really need to figure out the middle ground -- that's got to be the key to a normal relationship with food. I want to be able to have all the tasty stuff I love in the house without being worried about it disappearing shortly after being shelved.

It all comes back to my old friend: mindfulness. If I can manage to just listen to my body, distinguish real hunger pangs from the desire to eat for some other reason, I can break the cycle.  So simple.  Not so easy. My body knows what it needs to thrive, it's just a matter of paying attention and feeding it when hungry and stopping when it's satisfied. Mindfulness. Yup.

Fallin'

I've been sucked in by Autumn. It's true.  The season is an absolute vortex, you know it too, don't you (luckily not of the polar variety that we had last winter...)?

On one hand, I love fall; the colors, the crisp air, the rustling of leaves (that I no longer have to rake!) and all things pumpkin-flavored make it one of my favorite season. But I have to admit -- there's a looming melancholy that accompanies it.  

Like a lot of folks, I don't deal all that well with the decreasing amount of sunlight (especially these past few weeks, where rain and cloudy skies have been the norm) and find myself losing motivation.  And more than that -- while I hesitate to call it Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), it definitely messes with my mood. It isn't too too well known, but depression is present in my family tree and it has hit me as well. I've dealt with it -- therapy and meds -- and  am doing really well, but this time of year always makes me rethink my state of mind.

Part of it is simply a strong desire to take stock of where I'm at and where I need to go. A slowing down of activity and, in some ways, the moment for a fresh start as well. It's like it's time to simplify my life and slip into hibernation mode with a clean slate. Does that make any sense? I'm not even sure it makes sense to me, either. I want to grab hold of the last of the nice weather and make the most of our time together, but then I want to be ready for all the comforts of winter:  good books to read, sleepy dogs to snuggle with and hot drinks to sip and warm my hands with.

I will say that I'm managing better than usual. More than anything, I've got a mindfulness about myself that's been invaluable. I don't have all the answers, but I'm absolutely certain of some facts:  sweat removes more than salt from my body. Nutritious, healthy food nurtures my soul. Music, books and downtime heal and soothe my spirit. And as much as hibernation is oh so necessary for my mental health, I also need to nourish my social side so it survives intact until Spring.

And so, I keep on keepin' on. It's more of a challenge, but I'm doing it and will continue to fight the good fight (cliché much?). Practicing simplicity in as many parts of my life as possible: sleep, wake up, breathe, be grateful for the breathing, be productive, train hard, eat whole foods, relax and rest. It's that easy.

Down the stretch

It's the last quarter of 2014 -- hard to believe, isn't it?  October always seems to spring up on me like it was waiting around a corner to pounce when I wasn't looking.

Now, remember all those months back?  At the beginning of the year?  You know, when the Midwest was in the middle of The Never-Ending Winter?  I made a bunch of resolutions and I think it might be time to check in on them -- see what work I need to fit in during the last 3 months of the year so I feel all successful and everything.  So, here goes nothing:

A three-quarters-of-the-way-there review of my 2014 goals ... 

• Focus on the last 6 months of Lean Eating. Well, round two of Lean Eating is going reasonably well, though I need to buckle down and really follow the habits.  Just like last time, once the habits became food-related (5 servings of vegetables, lean protein with every meal, etc) I kind of fall off the wagon because it's inconvenient to eat that way.  Of course, the point of this program is to not only make good food convenient, but do it in such a way that it's somehow even more convenient than shoving a Poptart down my throat.
• Start posting on my blog daily again. Um, yea. This hasn't happened (obviously!), but at least I'm posting here sporadically. Right?
• Attend at least two Lean Eating Google Hangouts a month. I'm participating more than last time, but I've also tapered off a bit and need to throw myself back into the game.
• Schedule at least one call with Coach Veronica Jen. I've been emailing Coach Jen about every other week or so.  I probably need to up that to once a week, though, and really start asking for help.
• Read 20 books. Done! 56 books read so far this year!  And, I'm proud to say that I've also been reading a fair amount of non-fiction, too, which has been a good thing. I think I feel smarter.  Do I sound smarter?
• Do more dog training. This is ongoing and the dogs, after a rough patch, are doing well again. Next in line is training Belle that Clarke is allowed anywhere in the house, even if she considers it "her spot".  Because, really, all the spots are MINE, right? I'm in charge, right? Until she starts working and bringing in money, she doesn't own anything (someone just needs to convince her of this fact...).
• Journal, follow progress of goals and write just a little about each day. Still at this, though not on a daily basis.
• 5k steps on weekdays, 10k steps on weekend. Over the summer I started walking a whole lot as a precursor to starting running again and that's really improved my step count.  Most weeks I'll hit the 55k mark, which makes me happy.
• TV can go on no earlier than 6pm on weekdays. I don't really pay attention to this much anymore, but I'm doing better at not watching as much TV on the whole, though. Without full-blown cable service anymore, I don't have many mindless go-to shows/sports to put on.
• Do a month of not falling asleep to the TV as an experiment. Yea, I tried this a few times and while it isn't awful to not have the TV on, I find that I seem to fall asleep faster when compared to listening to music or having nothing on.
• More music! Need to get back to this, but am finding it more difficult to find the time.  In the car I'm usually listening to a book and when I run I've been listening to podcasts.  I do blast the music when I'm strength training, though, and I've also been putting the headphones in at work sometimes as well.  All's not lost!

One of Belle's many spots

So, not too bad, actually.  And for the rest of the year?  More of the same, really. Keep on keepin' on.

This is starting to get ridiculous

I'm beginning to have trouble keeping track of all my games and competitions and challenges...

• GymPact which requires five 30-minute workouts a week
• DietBet which requires that I lose 4% of my body weight by this coming Friday (spoiler alert:  I think I'm about there!)
• PN Coaching (of course)
• And now... another Whole Life Challenge

Whew.

The Whole Life Challenge started this weekend and runs for 8 weeks, requiring me to not eat things I enjoy, like PopTarts and Diet Pepsi (which, let's face it, are like manna from heaven).  Also - workouts, drinking water, stretching, and a new lifestyle habit every week (this week is no TV/computer/etc while eating). Not bad timing for it, I suppose -- while things have been going well around these parts, I suppose a good nutritional kick in the butt won't hurt (too much).

I've been thinking about all these social media type challenges and interactions I've been signing up for -- it's comfortable for me because I don't have to actually, you know, meet and talk to people in person.  I'm finding that the older I get, the less I like leaving the house.  Don't worry -- I haven't yet gotten to the stage where I sit on my porch and yell at the kids to get off my lawn (give me another year or two... oh, and a lawn for kids to have to keep off of, I suppose).

But when I do leave the house?  After a short while I'm ready to go back home.  

Anyone else like this?  I find that even small groups of friends can wear me out; don't get me wrong -- I love my friends and love hanging out with them, but after a few hours, I just need to leave and not have to talk to anyone at all.  It's better one-on-one, also better if there's activity that doesn't require conversation.

I'm an introvert of the highest order, for sure.  Once I read the true definition of an introvert, I knew I had found a home. I read this article and found myself emphatically shaking my head in affirmation: YES.  Someone gets it (let's not mock that it's Huffington Post that gets me).  Being social drains my energy; being alone recharges me.

For a long time, this really bothered me.  Why was I the only one wanting to go home when all my friends were ready to continue the party?  It seemed to me that I was fundamentally broken somehow.  But whether it's the recent media coverage of introverts, or hard-earned wisdom or just being too old to give a shit anymore, I now recognize that this is simply the way I am. Just because I want to stay home all weekend and read and exercise and snuggle with my dogs doesn't mean I'm no fun.  It just means that I find different things fun.  And that's okay (no one but me has to like it).  And now that I know how to take care of myself, it's much easier planning outings. I don't want to be a hermit (well, not most days, at least), just want my social events in small doses is all.

Anyway.  That was quite a tangent, eh?  So - let's run some numbers, just for kicks.  Since the beginning of PN (this time around), I'm down 5 pounds and about 4 inches. I've missed only one workout and have fit in more than I was supposed to on a few of the weeks. I'm in a good groove and I'm just trying to not do anything that might upset the ol' apple cart. As easily as this groove has come is as easily as it will go. That sounds like a great title for a song, doesn't it?  You can have it.  You're welcome.

Blister in the sun

Clearly, someone smarter than me should have slapped
some sunscreen on my face yesterday...

Hey there, internet!  It's been the most gorgeous weekend here and I'm dreading having to get back to work tomorrow -- I'm guessing I'm not alone in feeling this way. I spent last week working from home because I was on call for jury duty.  Ended up having to report for just one day of service and didn't even get called into a trial room -- I sat in a comfy chair for about 6 hours, reading a book. Not the worst way to earn $10.

Things are still moving along here.  I'm down a few pounds and a few inches and still hearing that "I can do this!!" voice in my head (at least I hope the voice is in my head...).

On another topic, I talked with my coach about having signed up for the 10 mile run and she suggested that I run 3 times a week for the next few weeks -- my two interval workouts will be runs and then my Active Recovery day will also be a run. Outside of that, I'll keep to the PN prescribed strength training workouts and see how this goes.  I want to ease into a schedule of regular running a bit because I'm old and brittle and break easily -- at least that's what my horoscope said yesterday.

My PN coach has been really awesome this time around -- she's very involved and all over the PN forums and our Facebook group.  Like I told her, she's our do-gooder, rah-rah stalker coach. I feel like she's busting her butt to make sure that we're all doing as much as we can to stay focused and motivated and get the most out of this year.  She's definitely a keeper!

Since I'm not feeling very write-y and humor-y tonight, I'll keep this brief. Mostly I wanted to post the ridiculous picture of my sunburn, anyway, so, mission accomplished.

Quick check-in

You guys, I've really been wanting to post here.  Honest.  I've got a million thoughts (or at least two or three, let's not get carried away) bouncing around in my head that I want to share and get feedback on, but I've been spending most of my free time, well, doing things other than writing blog posts.

First, a quick update on PN Coaching:  it's going well.  I'm down a couple of pounds and a couple of inches.  Nothing dramatic, but progress.  More than that, though, is that I'm feeling in the groove and motivated and, like, "I've got this. Totally."  My food choices still are suspect from time to time, but I'm working out more and with more intensity (which my dogs love because I'm the ultimate salt lick once I'm done since I sweat so damn much (everything's for them, you know)).

This has nothing to do with this post, it
just makes me laugh.  That's all.

Another thing that I'm doing, just to see how it works, is DietBet.  Essentially, you put up a bet -- you can join games that are anywhere from $20 to hundreds of dollars -- and all you have to do (imagine ironic air quotes around "all") is lose 4% of your body weight in 4 weeks.  One teeny tiny percent a week.  That's it!  If you do that, you win (now imagine happy slot machine noises)!  Of the game you joined, the people who reach the 4% goal all share in the pot.  If everyone in the group were to reach their goal, you'd at least be assured of winning back your original bet, so you'd never lose money as long as you lose weight. I'm 1.5 weeks into it and am down about 2.5%, so I'm ahead of schedule for the moment.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  If I win, it's free ice cream for all the internet! 

(not really)

If figured I'd try the DietBet thing because GymPact has been working really well for me (remember? I told you about this... don't you ever listen to me?).  I promise to do five 30-minute workouts a week (that are logged so they're legit).  I if I miss a workout, I pay them $5 for each one missed.  And at the end of the week, all the people who put into the pot for missing workouts fund the wonderful people (like me) who are good little workout kids and do what they said they would.  The winnings aren't exactly going to pay my mortgage (as in, I haven't had a week where I've come away with more than $2.00), but the incentive of losing money certainly hooks into my cheap, bohemian roots to keep me going.

On the Things I Sign Up To Do And Then Don't Do front, I'm signed up for the 10-mile run at Navy Pier in November. I'm determined to make this be a Thing I Sign Up To Do And Then Surprise Everyone And Actually Do It ... I miss running and being in the kind of shape that makes running therapeutic and not so hurty and painful. And the only way that'll happen is if I keep run training.  So - away we go!  I've got about 8 weeks to get my long runs up to snuff. Easy peasy.  Right?

Back!

Just a short note so y'all don't think that I've forgotten about you... I'm back from vacation and still trying to adjust to the re-entry shock. Work tomorrow is not going to help, just sayin'.

The trip was fabulous.  The Canadian Rockies are absolutely stunning and the trip guides seemed to know all the best spots in which to take us.  Every day I thought, "Well, there can't possibly be anything more beautiful than THIS spot..." and of course, the next day came around and I was proven wrong, time and again.

The new habit we started this past week was eating slowly -- an oldie but goody.  Over vacation, eating slowly wasn't too much of a problem because I was either chatting with someone, or gaping at the beautiful scenery too much to remember to eat. But now, it'll be more difficult as the rush rush rush pace picks up again.

More later on the vacation as well as how PN is going.  In the meantime, a few photos to give you a taste of what I enjoyed for a week:

View from the campground

Lake Annette

A little better

This poem showed up last year, and I love it as much now as I did then.  Like I said the other day, it's all about doing things just a little better today than I did yesterday, all about the progress and forward motion.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Portia Nelson

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit. But my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

August? Already?

I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but it seems that the summer is two-thirds of the way over already. June took awhile to come and go, but July, well, WHOOSH! is the best way to describe it.

PN coaching has been going well so far.  We're just starting to get into the swing of things, starting to meet other teammates and figuring out how to maneuver the website.  We haven't even done our initial measurements and photos yet -- that's this weekend.  It seems kind of weird to wait two weeks to do this, but I think that perhaps it's not a bad idea -- it reinforces the idea that this program isn't about numbers (though that's one of the ways we track progress), but rather putting together a sustainable lifestyle.

Of course, I'll be doing my first weigh-in and measurements and then heading out on vacation for a week.  Yay! Luckily I'm headed to the Canadian Rockies and with any luck, the hiking and other activity will counteract all the good food.  It could happen, that's all I'm sayin'.

Can't wait for this vacation ... despite living in the desperately-flat city of Chicago, I'm a mountain girl at heart. Really, there isn't anything I like better than to head out to the woods and hike up until I have a view of what feels like the entire country. Of course, since I'm not in the best of shape, my heart just might beat out of my chest while attempting this -- and it's not like there's any oxygen at those altitudes ("... there's just no air here...").  Sounds like a great combination, no?  I might have to befriend a bear or moose to carry me back down the mountain to my tent. The animals out there are like the ones in The Jungle Book, right?

Back to PN, there have been some really good foundational lessons these past two weeks. Some new, some reruns from last year, but the program just kind of feels better this year. Maybe it's the changes they've made, maybe it's that I'm in a different headspace. Or perhaps I'm officially PN-brainwashed. Who knows?

Remember my workout stickers? Still loving
the whole shindig. And look at that consistency!
(and yes, Julie, I worked out on your anniversary
but was nice enough not to sticker you guys)

There are two concepts that have shown up in the lessons more than once:  the idea of progress over perfection, and that consistency is the key to everything.  And to that, I say: YES. As always, be a little better today than yesterday.  And then keep doing that today, tomorrow, the next day and so on.  It's all so simple.  Not easy, mind you, but simple. I think I like to complicate this stuff, but it really does come down to being mindful and making better decisions than I used to, little by little.

I've been thinking a lot about the things that I really need to work on this year, the things that I didn't manage to get a handle on last year, and there are definitely one or two items on that list.  More on that later, promise.

And on that note, it's time to go pack but still try to hide from the dogs that I'm going to be leaving them.  Of course, they like my roommate better anyway, so it's possible that they won't even notice that I'm gone.  Damn dogs.  They're lucky they're cute.

Over the brink

It's started -- the new year of Lean Eating.  Well, not exactly ... they re-branded slightly and instead of it being called "Lean Eating" it's "Precision Nutrition Coaching".  Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe.  I kind of dig the name change.  I like saying that I'm in a coaching program than just "Lean Eating" which sounds a little dorky.  Not that dorky isn't in my wheelhouse.

Going into this I was worried that it was going to be a repeat of last year, but so far there have been a number of noticeable changes, all for the better as far as I'm concerned.  My coach Jen has already been in touch with me a few times via email, which has been awesome and a switch from last year. And I'm determined not to feel like I'm "bothering her" since, you know, it isn't actually true and even if it were, it's her job to be bothered by the likes of me.

The first habit is different than last year -- instead of doing supplements and such, it's an even easier habit designed to prep us for the year ahead.  Every day I need to decide on a 5-minute action that will help me move towards my goals, or get something done that's been on my list, etc.  I've done things like get podcasts on my phone for my walks, going through the refrigerator and cleaning out food and starting up some shoulder stretches for my perpetually tight shoulders.  As always, baby steps.  Just do a little better than I did yesterday.

Remember the green check marks?
Those haven't changed, thank God.

Oh - and a big change:  no more skinfold testing! The consensus was that using calipers -- even by professionals -- was sketchy and not necessarily accurate.  So now it's just scale weight and body girth measurements and photos.  I'm considering still doing the skinfold measurements every 3 months just for kicks and grins (since my in-house roommate/trainer does it for me), but we'll see. It's not a fun process; something about another person squeezing your body fat is a little off-putting, ya know?

And on that note, time for bed!

On the brink

Tomorrow starts my second round of Lean Eating.  I wasn't going to be that girl, the one who didn't get any results and had to do another year, but here I am.

But I'm not feeling like a failure, no. I'm feeling excited and ready to go -- I recognize all the work that I put in last year and am now ready to really put the program to its best use for me. 

I've said this before, but I'm finally staring to put words into action:  I don't care what size I am.  Truly.  Whether I'm a size 6 or a size 16, as long as I can go out and do anything I want at any time and not be limited by a lack of fitness, I will have been successful. 

So, if I want to bike better, I need to go out and hit the trails.  If I want to run better, then I need to hit the pavement.  Lift heavy stuff?  Then I need to hit the gym.

Here's to a year of kicking ass!

Resolutions: revisited and revised

Way, way back in the days when this blog didn't gather quite as much dust, I made some resolutions for 2014. Remember?  Even knowing the glaringly awful statistics about how many people actually keep their resolutions doesn't stop me from doing it every year.  I figure that even if I don't follow it, at least it's a roadmap to refer to as the months roll on by.

And - I actually haven't done too badly:  

• Lean Eating stuff?  Could have been better, but I made a bunch of progress.  
• Reading?  I've read almost twice as many books in about half the time. Whew! It's been awesome and I hadn't realized how much I missed it.  And a PSA -- support your local public library! The services they offer are beyond compare.
• Dog Training?  Well, we'll say that perhaps my dogs still rule the roost, but they let me delude myself into thinking I'm in charge more than they used to.
• More steps?  I'm moving so much more than I used to!  I think starting up using Gym Pact has really pushed me in the right direction.
• Journaling?  Man, I was so good for awhile but that's slipped off.  On the other hand, I've started digital photo journaling, which has put me on a search for the best app out there to do it (I love Project365 on the iOS side, but need the Android equivalent ... any suggestions?).
• More music and less TV?  I cut the cord on full-blown cable right after March Madness and I can't say that I've missed it too much.  My brother -- saint that he is -- has given me a log in to his service so that I can catch the occasional sporting event that I no longer can see on my TV.  And with the music, I'm crushin' pretty hard on Songza these days ... love the curated lists and the huge variety of music. You should check it out.

So, what goals am I'm going to tweak for the rest of the year?

Not too much, actually.  Keep the Lean Eating goals -- put in the work, attend the video chats, keep in close touch with my coach.  I need support and I need to ask for it.

Keep enjoying the outdoors.  After this past winter, I've been trying to get outside as often as possible for walks both with and without the dogs. Especially on days when I strength train, I try to get out for a long walk in the evening and I'm really loving the time it gives me to catch up on some of the podcasts that I love listening to.

Keep on with the less TV.  I've got a list of shows that I actually enjoy watching (American Ninja Warrior, anyone?? I'm addicted! And did you see Kacy Catanzaro kill it out there the other night?? Talk about inspirational!) but beyond that and watching the news, I have better things to do other than vegetating on the couch.

And something new:  I want to pick up a new tech skill.  I found a free course on how to write Android apps, which looks totally interesting.  Or - perhaps something in the way of learning about web design and programming.  But - something.  I learn a ton of stuff at my job, but I want to learn something fun (and perhaps even marketable).

Encompassing all this was the straightforward goal:  be me, be happy.  And I have to say, I think I'm hitting this pretty well.  I feel like it's been a long time since I've felt this content and excited about what's in my life.  It's not dramatic or perhaps even exciting in the traditional sense, but it's what makes me smile. What I'm trying to say: things are good.

Guess what?

Seems I'm a sucker for a good deal ... or something like that. I got an offer to do another year of Lean Eating at a reduced price, and I decided, after noodling the idea around quite a bit, to take them up on the offer.

So - another year!  It starts next week, and I'm looking forward to it.  I'll appreciate having a place to check in daily and be told to measure and take photos on regular intervals.  Not that I couldn't do that on my own (of course!), but I do like the whole structure of the program. I feel like knowing the program is my edge this time around; I'm sure of what I have to do to work on different things and get different results.

1. I'm requesting a coach that will be more drill sergeant than cheerleader. My coach last year was an awesome lady, but this time I want someone who's still nice, but just a little more fierce. From the outset I'm going to make sure that I'm on my coaches' radar and that they know that I'm someone they'll need to keep on top of to keep me accountable. I really liked my coach last year, but I need a new perspective on things.
2. I'm going to take advantage of the community and support system from the beginning.  Last time I started this and then dropped off pretty quickly and never felt entirely comfortable jumping back in, knowing that people already knew each other (despite being absolutely positive that everyone would have been more than welcoming). That's one of my quirks that I'm determined to work on.
3. I'm definitely training more these days and I know that's going to help. Last time I was just starting to work out again and I know I didn't work hard enough.
4. Asking for help has always been my achilles heel and that's another thing that I'm determined to work on. People aren't going to know what I need if I don't tell them (and yes, this could probably be applied to more than just this whole Lean Eating thing).
5. It can't hurt, right?  It's only money...

Starting in about a week, it's back into the program.  I really didn't think I'd be one of those folks that goes through this particular rodeo more than once, but it was a strangely attractive option once presented.  I'm quite mindful, though, of the saying "Do what you've always done, get what you've always got" and that I'll need to makes things significantly different this time to get different results.

Hopefully I'm up to the task!

(okay, okay ... really, I signed up just so that I'd have an excuse to blog for another year...)