Oops day

Today's assignment was curious: make a conscious decision to make a "mistake" with a food choice. In other words, eat something that's a little evil. Pay close attention to how you feel, both mentally and physically, and then understand that you are not your food journal -- the food journal is nothing but data, neither good or bad, and therefore outside of judgment no matter what ends up on the list.

Because I'm such an over-achiever, I had made it "mistake day" even before I knew I was supposed to.  It started with my normal Wednesday morning breakfast sandwich, but then I got to the office and found homemade apple cake and snickerdoodle cookies.  I couldn't resist.  I made it through the Halloween cupcakes from two days ago and the homemade coffeecake from yesterday, but I wasn't able to resist a third day of this all-out assault.

I got back to my desk, inhaled the sweets (you know, because I figured I could get rid of the evidence) and then read the assignment for the day, telling me about "mistake day".  I thought to myself, "Nailed it!". 

So I did the rest of the assignment, writing down what I ate and how I was feeling about it.  And you know what? Physically I felt awful.  I had eaten too fast and eaten too much and was feeling uncomfortably full and bloat-y. And you know what else?  In the past, this would have been how I normally would have eaten.  In fact, I probably would have gone back for more cookies (the cake was only okay -- I shouldn't have finished it -- but the cookies were awesome).  I'm not sure if I used to always feel this miserable, or if I'm just more sensitive to it now?

Mentally, there was a moment of feeling like I was getting away with something -- like getting free food was some sort of coup. On the heels of that, though, was the feeling that I should have been stronger, should have left it there -- I know that doesn't support my long term goals.  And on the heels of THAT was the guilt knowing that someone else would be looking at my logs and questioning my commitment to the program.

All that in a matter of minutes.  Amazing, isn't it?

It's not like I've never figured out the link between eating crap food and feeling crappy -- been there, done that, as have most people.  This was a good experiment, though -- being told to carefully identify what I was feeling and write it down was valuable. Like a lot of this program, the "aha!" moment was in the Monday morning quarterbacking of the situation. So the lesson here: I have to hold on to the feeling of how utterly miserable (mentally, physically, emotionally) I felt after eating the goodies.  It won't always work, but at least some of the time that memory should deter me from eating something I shouldn't. Right? 

New Habit Monday: Record what you eat

Pretty straightforward -- for the next two weeks, I need to record what I'm eating.  Seems simple enough, right?

I have to say, I'm a little apprehensive about this habit.  In the past, I have always been very successful at losing weight when I log all of my food and recorded every calorie.  The problem was that I was very UNsuccessful once I stopped doing it -- without that governor in place, I was a mess.  One of the parts of Lean Eating that attracted me was the promise of being able to eat without worrying about counting calories; the idea of learning how to eat and live in a healthy manner that would keep me at an ideal weight without tracking sounds pretty dang awesome to me.

This is the detox salad that I
mentioned in another post. And Clarke.
And Belle.  Completely zonked out.

So since I can't use my normal method for recording what I eat, I'm working out how to follow the habit while not making myself all type-A and crazy about it.  I've decided to try Evernote Food -- I'm an Evernote evangelist already, so I thought this might be a non-count-y kind of way to track what I'm eating.  And plus, it gives me yet another opportunity to show off my pups, right?

Coach V. said that we should think of this strictly feedback, not judgment on whether or not that cupcake I just ate should be in my diet.  And in fact, at some point she'll be looking over the logs to get an idea of what I'm eating.  I will say one thing:  the fact that someone is going to be looking at what I'm eating makes a huge difference.  The cupcake I just mentioned? Yea, I actually didn't have one because I knew I'd have to report it.  Seriously. They even had Halloween decorations on top and I refrained.

It all kind of goes back to wanting people to think the best of me, I suppose. And it worries me that I'll behave better due to external accountability rather than internal accountability.  What happens when the support goes away?

Anyway - we'll see how this goes. And I'm going to keep the deep questions at bay for awhile because they kind of make my brain hurt a little and it's Monday so I don't need any more hurt.  Another time, I promise, okay?

Sunday FUNday: Week 14 Review

Not only is it the end of week 14, but it's the end of Phase 3 -- about a quarter of the way through the program and time for skinfold measurements as well as photos and weight and tape measurements.  The numbers are all in the books, for better or worse, but I still find it hard to believe that I'm this far into it.

I've got my turkey in the oven -- I'm really hoping this turns into awesome jerky because it's easy and so much cheaper than buying it already made.  So far it's looking like it's working, at least.

So, with the end of a phase here, for your reading pleasure it's an expanded recap:

Measurements:
Let's run the numbers...

• I've lost 5.8 pounds from the beginning of the program, 8 pounds if you go from the highest weight I've been during the past 3 months -- I gained a little over two pounds the first few weeks of Lean Eating.
• I've lost 10.4" in total.  A little over 2" from my chest (I'm looking forward to my sports bras not feeling like painfully tight corsets!), 2" from my waist and 2.5" from my hips.  Not too shabby.
• And I'm down 30.1mm in total skinfold measurements, which equates to about a 4% drop in body fat.

So - I'm pretty pleased with my progress, especially since the first few weeks went in the wrong direction.  I feel like I'm on a roll and I just need to keep making good decisions -- and a lot of anecdotal evidence shows that people start making huge gains (well, losses, I suppose) after about 3 months.  Bring it on!

Workouts:

Still kicking butt in this regard.  I'm pushing heavier weights, the core workouts aren't as awful as they used to be (who am I kidding, of course they are) and I'm starting to feel stronger and more in charge of my own body.  With the weather turning cold I haven't been running as much as I want to, but I'll get back into that.  I just need to overcome the mental block of being cold for the first part of the run -- I hate that part and it keeps me from heading outside even though once I get going I enjoy running in the cold much more than the heat.

A look at my accumulated
green checkmarks!

Habits:

The last two weeks have been planning meals and I've done a pretty good job at this.  I like being in control and this fits perfectly with my personality -- not only that, but the whole habit is an easy way for me to earn my gold stars (okay, green checkmarks) and that's a huge positive reinforcement for me.

End of Quarter Thoughts:

This process has been much more of a mental overhaul rather than strictly just changing my eating/workout habits.  The cornerstone habits -- eat slowly and eat only to 80% full -- have fundamentally changed the way I think about meals.  It's rare that I eat to the point of feeling sick -- it's been a matter of learning to listen to my body and taking a moment before eating and asking myself whether I'm actually hungry or just bored/emotional/cranky.

All in all, the program has been a good thing.  The information isn't anything I didn't already know, but it's forcing me to do the mental work needed to really make lifestyle changes that will stick around long past the year end of the program.

Habit Log:

Weeks 1-2: Fish oil and probiotic
Weeks 3-4: Eating slowly
Weeks 5-6: Stop eating at 80% full
Weeks 7-8: Lean protein with every meal
Weeks 9-10: 5 servings of vegetables a day
Weeks 11-12: Make smart carb choices
Weeks 13-14: Plan Meals

Another day, another ... day?

Right now I'm sitting in my comfy chair, computer on my lap, one dog completely zonked out on the ottoman at my feet and the other in her cage because she's being a jerk.

Like the rest of the 9-5 workforce, I always look forward to the weekend.  Who wouldn't? But today was just a day.  I wasn't nearly as productive as I needed to be and wasted a bunch of time playing Candy Crush (I'm now on level 50 and am refusing to pay anything to play more).  The bulk of the day was a bit of a disappointment, actually.

Not only that, but I really ate like crap today.  Sometimes I feel like once I get my measurements and such done on Saturday morning, then it's time to "reward" myself -- though I'm not sure how eating poorly is a reward.

I did spend a few hours at the hospital, which was good.  My grandma was more alert than she has been since this whole thing started and I appreciated knowing that she recognized that I was there.

(Belle's whining.  Can someone make her stop?)

I didn't get a chance to do the turkey jerky.  I got out and did my grocery shopping this morning, so I'm set to try it out tomorrow.  With it having to be in the oven perhaps as long as 10 hours, I didn't have a long enough block of time today to get it started.

Skinfold measurements were done yesterday, regular measurements and photos this morning.  Overall, this was a positive experience.  More details tomorrow in my weekly wrap-up.

And now -- time for bed.  Time to get Belle out of her cage and somehow keep her from bugging the snot out of Clarke.  Time to sleep because I didn't sleep all that well last night. So, good night, good sleep and see you tomorrow.

Foodie Friday: Turkey Jerkey!

I've been waiting for the colder weather to try making my own turkey jerky -- having the oven on for 6-10 hours isn't ideal when it's 80 degrees outside, right?

I'm pretty well hooked on Trader Joe's turkey/beef jerky -- so, so good but at $6 for a bag that I can eat in one sitting, kind of expensive so I figured I'd try making it myself.  I mean, how hard can it be, right?

I found this recipe on Mark's Daily Apple (lots of good information here even though I don't subscribe wholeheartedly to the Paleo/Primal way of life) and it's on my agenda to make it this weekend.

And making it myself, I know that there isn't anything added that doesn't need to be added, and it's all healthy and such.  A great protein snack!

And look at this, doesn't it look awesome?

An action shot of the turkey dehydrating

I'll report back on how it turns out!  I'm hoping it's as good as the blog post says it is...

Update 10/27/2013:

Well, the verdict is an optimistic thumbs up.

Huh?

My finished product was good, not phenomenal ... but I think I can do better.  I want to do this again and slice it a little thicker (the thin slices end up being more crunchy than chewy) and play around with the spices and/or try a marinade.  That said, it's not like I'm throwing out what I made -- I'll enjoy it and am looking forward to experimenting with the recipe.

My finished product... yum!

SssuccessS

One of the lessons this past week introduced the idea of The 3 S's to success (see what I did there in the post title? Tricky, tricky...):  Structure, Systems, Scheduling.

Structure:  this is all about setting up my environment so that it's easier to be successful.  It's having a pantry and refrigerator full of healthy food, leaving the cookies and ice cream at the grocery store where they belong.  It's making sure that my basement gym is stocked with the equipment I need to do my workouts.  It's taking the cell phone away from the dogs so they don't go ordering pizza like they do when they get the munchies late at night.  I want to make sure that everything around me supports my goals.

Systems:  let's talk processes!  What do I need to do to ensure my success?  For me, I know that my nutrition success depends on doing food prep on the weekend.  I know myself well enough to understand that even if I did end up with down time during the week, the last thing I'm going to do with it is stand in the kitchen and chop and cook stuff for later.  I've stopped trying to change that about myself because I know that relaxing is a bigger priority for me.  My process for workouts?  I try to not allow myself to sit down when I get home.  Walk in the door, keep the dogs caged, change into workout clothes and get it done.  The couch will suck me in if given half a chance.

Scheduling:  pretty self explanatory, yes?  And this so important -- I knew it before and now have an even deeper appreciation for it.  I don't worry so much about workouts -- those usually lay themselves out without me trying too hard (that's the advantage of being single with no kids!).  But meals need to be planned, otherwise I end up eating chips and guacamole for dinner.  I've done a much better job at that this week -- a big batch of salad has been a light, easy, already-made dinner for me.  And it's a lot less stressful -- since I already have enough stress going on right now -- to not to have to think and decide what I'm going to eat.

I have to say, I don't always agree with everything the LE assignments have to say, but this one is absolutely spot-on for me.  And it's like these lessons are sometimes a little psychic -- this was just what I needed to read this week. Success shouldn't be a matter of willpower, instead it should be doing a lot of little things that help in making the healthy decisions easy when the time comes.

Planning and scheduling #FTW

Things have been a little crazy around these parts with my Grandma in the hospital and all that, but prepare to be amazed:  I did some planning, did some food prepping, scheduled out some workouts and STUCK TO IT.  Whodda thunk it?

I knew that time would be tight yesterday, and so I came home and did my strength workout right away.  And then, knowing that I'd be working late on Wednesday, even did an interval session afterwards, effectively getting two workouts ticked off my to-do list.  Go, me!

Then I headed to the hospital and hung out there for a few hours; by the time I got home, I was starving.  So, what did I do?  Order a pizza?  Buy a gallon of ice cream?  No! I ate the salad that I had prepared over the weekend for dinner.  BOOYAH!  (<--- is that how you spell that??)

Not having to think or make decisions really works for me, apparently.  And it felt good to know that I did the right stuff and was responsible and all that.  For the first time in awhile, I'm ahead of my workouts and am not freaking out about what to eat.  And after last week, this is a very welcome change of scenery for me.  Sometimes, just the right amount of stress seems to work in my favor.

I'm planning out the whole week but focusing on one day at a time.  Here's to a good, heathy rest of the week!

Sunday Funday: Week 13 Review

What I feel like doing all day...

It's been a tough week.  Along with the general I-don't-care-itis that I've been feeling, my grandma was admitted to the hospital Friday night.  I was at the hospital all Friday evening, and then most of the day yesterday.  She's 92 and has been wanting to let go of this life and move on to the next one for quite awhile now, so we're keeping her comfortable, but otherwise just waiting for the inevitable.  For her sake, we hope that it comes sooner rather than later.

Despite that, I'm taking a break from the hospital today to get all my normal weekend stuff done:  laundry, grocery shopping and food prep.  I'm making a healthier version of chicken and dumplings and I put together a new salad to keep me in vegetables for the week.  So no matter what happens, I shouldn't have any excuses not to eat well.

The round-up for the week:

Measurements:
Almost no change from last week:  the scale said exactly the same thing and measurements went down 0.2".  For how I ate and how little I worked out, this is okay with me.  I need to do better this coming week, though.  Next weekend is a milestone check-in -- skinfold measurements and photos.  I haven't done skinfold measurements since I started, so I'm curious to see how those numbers come out.

Workouts:
I've missed my first workout -- I'll be one interval workout shy of completing things for this week.  Circumstances were not in my favor, though it's (another) lesson learned about why I shouldn't put off things.  I figured I'd have more than enough time to make up training on the weekend, but that certainly hasn't proved to be the case. Because I never know what's going to happen to my schedule, I should make an effort to get workouts in when I can rather than when I feel like it.

Habits:
Meal planning is going pretty well.  I still struggle a little with weekday dinners, but that's starting to get better.  In one of my video meetings with my Lean Eating crew, they suggested making a big pot of soup or chili on the weekend and then, instead of eating it, just portion into single servings and use those as my dinners.  I'll eat healthy and won't be creating more leftovers when I most likely already have more than enough in the refrigerator.

Habit Log:
Weeks 1-2: Fish oil and probiotic
Weeks 3-4: Eating slowly
Weeks 5-6: Stop eating at 80% full
Weeks 7-8: Lean protein with every meal
Weeks 9-10: 5 servings of vegetables a day
Weeks 11-12: Make smart carb choices

Week 13:  Plan Meals

In a rut

I hate it when things are hard.  I want to WANT to workout.  And this week I'm just not feeling it (yea, I'm still whining).

Got my strength workout in this afternoon -- had a session with my roommate personal trainer -- but then opted not to do anything afterwards.  I had a headache from work and was tired and crabby -- one of those days where I wanted to just sink into the couch and ignore the rest of the world (except maybe the dogs) (because they're really cute) (and like to snuggle with me).

I could blame it on work being extra-tiring and stressful this week, but that's kind of a cop-out.  It's not like this kind of week is completely unheard of in my life (though, work life generally isn't a huge source of stress) and at some point I need to learn how to be healthy even when life isn't all rainbows and butterflies.  And remember that whole spiel about how exercise helps stress and mood?  Um, yea.

That's all for now.  Gotta figure out how to dig deep down and find my mojo again. It's there -- that I'm sure of -- but just covered in yawns and headaches at the moment.  So, I'll leave you with a good night, enjoy your evening and I'll be back tomorrow, better than ever.

Lazy butt

This has felt like a really lazy week for me; I haven't been good about getting my workouts in, to be honest.

Monday was difficult because of a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, Tuesday I got my strength training in, but no interval run because it was raining, and today was my late shift work day (8:30am-5pm) and by the time I picked up the dogs from doggie day care and got home I was starving and exhausted.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.  I know. I KNOW!

Monday I should have done something in the evening, and today I should have gotten up earlier than I did (the bed was so warm and the house was so cold, though!). I know it's okay to miss a workout now and then, but I panic a little when it starts happening a couple of days in a row because it's so easy to slip back into doing absolutely nothing but sitting on the couch from the time I get home to the time I go to bed (I've got mad skillz in this arena...).

The other day, I was talking to a co-worker who was asking about my workout routine.  I told her that I did strength training 3 days a week, an interval workout 2 days a week and usually got a run in on the 6th day.  She was honestly impressed and amazed that I worked out so often -- it was nice for her to say, but the compliment made me a little uncomfortable because it seemed so undeserved.

First, my triathlon background gives me a baseline standard of about 8-10 hours of training a week (which is probably ridiculous to most people).  That's about average for my triathlon friends and the 4 hours or so that I put in seems a little weak, ya know (since I'm no longer a triathlete, I suppose I no longer need to adhere to these standards...)?

Second, it occurred to me that training (basically) every day is the only way for me to be successful.  If I say I'm going to work out 4 days a week, it's easy to go from Monday until Thursday saying "I'll get it done tomorrow".  And even after that, it's easy to say, "Well, I'll just do 3 workouts this week".  It's my need for all or nothing.  It's better for me not to have a choice about it.

And see what happens when I try to introduce choice and flexibility to my workouts?  I start skipping them.  Baaaad Laura.  

I sound whiny today, don't I?

Anyway - strength workout scheduled for tomorrow.  Maybe a run afterwards, depending on the weather.  That's the set-in-stone plan.

PS:  I ended up stealing my roommate's chopped chicken salad for dinner tonight... YUM.

Planning: Day 1

So, today I planned out my meals. And then followed the plan.

I know!

This new habit makes a lot of sense to me -- it's not like I didn't know it, just wasn't pushed into doing it -- and so I'm going to do my best.  

Tomorrow's menu:

• Steel cut oats with raisins for breakfast
• Cottage cheese for my mid-morning snack
• Chicken, broccoli, onions and brown rice leftovers for lunch
• Cucumbers and a red pepper for my afternoon snack
• Dinner?  Not a clue...

The dinner part is always a bit of a problem.  I have a TON of the chicken dish leftover, but I won't want it twice in one day.  I could have my fish Biaggi leftovers for dinner, but I'm pretty sure that the squeazy feeling I have about reheating fish isn't going to change before tomorrow night (there's just something about reheated fish that seems a little wrong).  So that leaves me with...

• Quinoa chips and guacamole
• Corn turkey dog
• Steal my roommate's leftover Portillo's chicken chopped salad
• Stop at Chipotle
• Go hungry

I probably need to be a little more creative, eh?  Tomorrow is my late work day, so I won't be home until after 6:30pm, and by that time all I want to do is sit down.

I'll need to put my thinking cap on between now and 24 hours from now... there's got to be something that I can whip up.  Right?

New Habit Monday: Plan meals

It's like LE was reading my mind:  the new habit for the next two weeks is to start planning out meals to increase your chances of success.  

Funny, I was just saying that (like, in my post yesterday)!  

I always have a fuzzy idea of what I'm going to be eating, but never really plan it out and then I get all lazy and don't cook when I fuzzily think I'm supposed to. The idea is that by thinking ahead and making sure the food I need is available, and doing as much prep work as possible that I'll be less tempted to make bad decisions on a whim.  That makes is sound simple, doesn't it?

At work this is much easier because there's no going out for lunch -- not only do I only get 30 minutes, but getting on/off the mill site where my office is would take about 10 of those minutes, and then outside the mill is ... lovely Gary, IN, a place that I don't really want to be wandering around in.  So - it's all eat-in.  I bring my breakfast, morning snack (if needed), lunch and afternoon snack.  After that, though, it's a bit of a crapshoot. 

I always have stuff in the house to make, but I am SO DAMN LAZY.  If it takes more than 3 minutes to put together, I would rather go hungry (or snack on other things).  I will say that having my roommate back around again is good for me, though -- with someone else to eat with, I'm more likely to throw something together.

So, like tonight:  I could have made chicken and veggies (it's all waiting for me in the refrigerator), but instead I'm getting a chicken chopped salad (hold the dressing, please!) from Portillo's. Is this dinner completely unhealthy?  No. But would I be better eating something I made myself?  Um, yea, probably. 

My next step:  take an inventory of my refrigerator, get a list of the foods that I bought over the weekend, and then plan out when I'm going to eat them. Write it down. Post it somewhere I have to look at it constantly. Oh, and then follow through. I guess that part's a little important, eh?

Sunday Funday: Week 12 Review

Three months in!  I'm not even sure how that happened.

Dinner last night was pretty damn awesome -- food, drink and company included.  I ate too much, but not nearly as much as I usually do.  And with only 1.5 glasses of wine, I even was still capable of calculating the tip in my head by the end of the meal.  Will wonders ever cease?

Biaggi's wonderful bruschetta -- one of the appetizers
that we always seem to order

Good night out with great friends and now it's really time to buckle down again.  I need to start getting really serious about overhauling the food -- I'm not integrating the food lessons nearly as well as I should to be successful.  And it's all just a matter of planning and prepping.  So that'll be my focus in the upcoming weeks.  And plus -- I have just two short weeks until doing the second round of skinfold body fat testing and I'd like to know that I did as much as I could do make that a good experience.

And with that, my week:

Measurements:
Another pretty good week.  It's been difficult staying off the scale, but it's done me a lot of good, I think -- I live in fear of a bad weigh-in so I'm more apt to make better decisions.  My check-in went pretty well: while the scale only budged a little bit, my measurements dropped by a little over 2.5", which kind of blows me away.  I'm definitely starting to see some muscle definition coming back under the fat layers, and frankly, that's one of my main goals.

Workouts:
Still on my 100% completion streak!  And holy CRAP am I sore today!  My upper back and shoulders are absolutely yelling at me (in a (mostly) good way, of course).  The workouts have been kicking my butt, but i like that.  The running intervals are going well, too -- I'm still incredibly slow, but the pace is getting better and that's all I need to see.  I've been adding in a slow, longer run, too, just to get my body moving.

Habits:
This is where I'm falling down on the job a little -- I can't say that I've made any huge changes in terms of making smarter carb choices.  Sure, I make better choices here and there when it's easy, but I haven't made a concerted effort to really change my eating habits.  I need to focus on making all the food habits -- lean protein, vegetables, smarter carb choices -- something that guides my meal planning throughout the week.  Speaking of which, I really need to start meal planning for my week.  :)

Habit Log:
Weeks 1-2: Fish oil and probiotic
Weeks 3-4: Eating slowly
Weeks 5-6: Stop eating at 80% full
Weeks 7-8: Lean protein with every meal
Weeks 9-10: 5 servings of vegetables a day

Weeks 11-12: Make smart carb choices

Guns

Shh... don't tell anyone, but I think I finally have some guns in the house:

Okay, maybe not "guns" but at least a small pistol, no?

Yes, I think strength training is finally starting to show some visible progress.  I know that my legs are gaining back definition that had been hidden under layers of cellulite (though I worry that the remaining cellulite will never go away -- I am getting old, you know!) and that makes me even happier.  I love muscle definition.

Phase 3 of the strength workouts have certainly been kicking my butt -- I think there was a huge leap between Phase 2 and 3, to be honest.  From "I can totally do this" to "I (gasp) think (gasp) this (gasp) is (gasp) insane (gasp gasp gasp)!".  But it's good -- I find it hard to push myself on my own to move into discomfort during strength workouts, so this shove is just what I needed.

On the agenda for tonight?  Annual birthday dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant.  We always do it up right -- appetizers, bottle(s) of wine, main course, desserts -- and by the end, I'm usually so full that I feel absolutely awful. So tonight my goal is to enjoy everything, not worry about food choices, but also stop myself from gorging. Try to keep in the forefront of my mind that the dinner becomes far less enjoyable the more I eat and drink.  Sounds easy enough, right?

I made it! The week is over!

It's Friday and I'm tired.  For most of the week, I've been battling a headache -- it comes and goes, but never really goes away -- and that just sucks the life right out of me.  It's a bad cycle of getting the headache, taking meds, feeling better, feeling worse and then waiting to be able to take meds again.

The week wasn't all bad, though; on Wednesday I got the chance to reconnect with one of my dearest friends, which was quite awesome.  And we even went out for sushi -- does it get better than that?

But other than that highlight, it was mostly a blah Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.  I did a great job at still working out on Monday and Tuesday, but things fell off after that. Thursday was a lost day because I had to work late (I was zonked from the migraine medication anyway) and then today I got a workout in, but not as high quality as I would have liked.  I'm a workout behind for the week, but I'll make that up tomorrow (assuming that my head lets me).

I know I'm whining.

I'm actually feeling a little bit better right now -- the meds have kicked in -- but am looking forward to an early bedtime and a good night's sleep (exciting life I lead, I know!). Plus, I have fun plans for tomorrow night that I need to be in tip-top shape for -- annual birthday(s) celebration with friends (which will present some Lean Eating challenges, I'm sure! I'll need a strategy going into it...) -- which I'm looking forward to just as much as going to bed early tonight.  Maybe even a touch more.  :)

What isn't going so well

I know this might come as a surprise to all (three? four??) of my readers, but Lean Eating isn't all rainbows and unicorns and skittles (actually, no skittles at all).  There are parts of it that I've struggled with, for sure, and I'm still kind of feeling my way around how to get it done.

As I alluded to in my last post, I've been faring better with the mental habits than the physical habits.  Changing what I shovel into my mouth cuts surprisingly close to the bone -- who knew that I could be attached to certain foods?  Or feel such resistance when I was told to clear them out of my house?

And this translates into me only haphazardly following the three big food-related habits that I've been given:  lean protein at every meal, 5 servings of vegetables a day and making smart carb choices.  Remember all those happy green check marks that I work so hard to get?  Well, my compliance rate is certainly not at 100% anymore (and I haven't yet missed a workout, so you do the math) and there's a part of me that thinks, "Well, that's okay.  How much is it going to hurt if I don't follow the food rules to the letter?"

Some of it is that the habits are hard to follow all the time.  They require planning and at times making decisions that are incredibly inconvenient and my laziness will get in the way.  Some of it is that I feel like there's a part of me that doesn't want to be 100% compliant.  Perhaps it goes back to something I talked about quite awhile ago -- the idea that by not following things 100%, I'll have something to blame if this doesn't work out the way that I want it to.

I've just recently been starting to see progress, but i wonder how much more progress I could be making if I were doing things the right way and really trying to follow the plan as closely as possible?

It gets complicated because I've always believed that what you eat isn't nearly as important as how much you eat -- calories in/calories out being the main equation to monitor for weight loss.  And shifting my eating habits (more than just eating less and eating generally healthy, whole food) and having huge successes would mean that what I've believed for a long time maybe doesn't hold water like I thought it did.  Have I been wrong all these years?

I'm rambling, I know.  It's been a great day, but I'm a little tired, and these are things that have been on my mind -- and probably need more fleshing out than what I've done here today.  So I'll leave y'all with those thoughts for now.  Good night, sleep well and see y'all tomorrow.

What's going well

I'm almost 25% of the way through the Lean Eating program, and there's been a lot of information thrown at me. Some of it has stuck, some perhaps notsomuch.

But - the stuff that's sticking is making a difference.  Although I really thought that the "what" habits would be easier (basically, what I should be eating), I'm finding that it's the "how" habits that have made it into my regular repertoire. 

Like, I do a much better job at checking in with myself before eating:  am I actually hungry?  Or just bored? Emotional?  I don't think I can overstate how helpful this has been. I mean, of course I ignore myself sometimes, but it has otherwise consistently kept me from a lot of mindless eating.  It doesn't take long or anything special, just an awareness that I oftentimes use food as something other than just to feed hunger. I've found that during work when I'm not too busy and once I'm home in the evening are the two big times this really comes into play.  The work vending machine cries in loneliness every once in awhile, but it's definitely played into the progress that I've been making.

Awesome sushi and my
sushi buddy's thumbs up

And score another for mindfulness:  I also do a much better job at noticing when I'm getting full and stopping shoving food into my mouth.  It's still hard to not clean my plate, but I kind of work around this by divvying out smaller portions, making a deal with myself that I'm allowed to go get seconds if I'm still hungry. Going out to dinner sometimes presents problems, though, because I find that I pay less attention to what I'm doing.  Yes, I'm eating slowly, but sometimes I bypass the point of full before even really realizing it.  My special weakness?  Sushi!  I inhale it ... and because it's a shared dish, I hate to be the one not holding up my side of the bargain (and it's not like sushi is something I want to take home in a doggy bag).

I know I still have a long way ahead of me, but I feel like these two habits can really change my life.  If I only eat when I'm hungry, and don't overstuff myself, I should be golden, right?  I need the other habits to up the ante, but figure these habits, consistently practiced, should get me where I'm going (though slowly).

Proud

Just a short note today...

I'm proud of myself.  I got home from work today feeling lazy and tired -- a typical Monday.  And instead of getting right out to run, I took what used to be the path of no return:  I sat down on the couch and started watching TV.  

I watched a little of the Ellen show, then an episode of Inkmaster (I'm not sure why I'm so hooked on this show!) and started an episode of The Voice when I decided that I ought to make the turkey tenderloin that I had planned to make (usually it's not just training that goes by the wayside once I get sucked into the couch, it's any type of cooking dinner as well).  

And so I got the turkey ready (new recipe!) and in the oven.  And then I thought, "Well, I have about 80 minutes.  I should get my run in."  

And I did.

I ran.  When I didn't want to.  And it was good.  Gorgeous outside -- nice and cool and sunny -- and I'm so glad that I got out there.

Whodda thunk it?

Sunday Funday: Week 11 Review

I'm feeling pretty good as week 11 wraps up.  I've managed -- with the help of my LE coach -- to talk myself off the "NO CARBS EVER AGAIN!" ledge back into the real world where carbs not only exist, but I get to eat them. 

Clarke and his favorite human

In other news, my roommate is officially back living at my house.  It's been nice having her around -- she's definitely Clarke's very favorite person in the whole world so he sleeps in her bed instead of mine (so I sleep MUCH better!) -- and she's been really good about keeping her less-than-healthy food in places where I don't see it.  She's one of those kinds of people who can eat whatever she wants and still stays in awesome shape.  I'm waiting for the day when she gets old and it all catches up with her ... I'll enjoy laughing at her. Yea, that's the kind of friend I am. 

And onto my Cliff Note's version of week 11:

Measurements:
The scale is starting to be a little more kind to me -- I think not weighing myself at all during the week is paying off because it forces me to keep making good, healthy decisions because I can't take the chance at ruining what might be only small gains.  Measurement-wise, things mostly stayed the same, but I'm not worried about that.  That'll follow soon enough.  What I really can't wait for?  When my Getting-Fat jeans are once again comfortable to wear.  Getting there...

Workouts:
Still rockin' the workouts.  I don't always like making time for it, but I feel so damn good after finishing something up. I've said this before, but I had forgotten how empowering exercise can be.  With the new Phase 3 workouts, I find myself wishing that I had side planks to do ... they would be much easier than the Stability Ball Plank Roll Outs that are now a part of the routine.  OUCH.  Just saying (I know the video doesn't make it look difficult, but try it... you'll see it my way).  Aside from that, I'm running 3 times a week or so (two are shorter, faster interval runs and one is a longer, very slow slog just to get myself used to more mileage) and enjoying it as well.

Habits:
So - the whole "make smart carb choices" habit.  I freaked out a little bit at the outset of this, but have calmed down a bunch since then. As I was told, no carbs are bad or good, just better or worse.  And it's a matter of looking at what I'm currently eating and trying to make things a little better, one small step at a time.  I've also learned over the course of this week that I'm someone who needs carbs.  When I eat only lean protein and vegetables (even generous portions of those), I'm hungry about 90 minutes later, which isn't good.  It's all a learning process, one big experiment to find out how my body works best.

Habit Log:
Weeks 1-2: Fish oil and probiotic
Weeks 3-4: Eating slowly
Weeks 5-6: Stop eating at 80% full
Weeks 7-8: Lean protein with every meal
Weeks 9-10: 5 servings of vegetables a day

Week 11:  Make smart carb choices

Saving the best

For as long as I can remember, I've always been someone who saves the best for last.  In terms of food, this is a pretty hard-core habit for me -- whatever part of a meal I think is most delicious, I'll put aside so that'll be the last thing that I eat. It's eating my vegetables before having the french fries.  Or having dinner before dessert. Makes perfect sense.

Yup - this is my problem

I have no idea how weird this makes me.  Maybe no one out there can relate?  I also can't say that it's anything that I've actively thought about changing. I mean, why would I?  No reason, right?

Except now I've got this "eat to 80%" habit that I'm supposed to be following (since it was introduced, oh, about 1.5 months ago).  And this ends up being a conflict:  if I'm already getting full and know I should stop eating, do you think I'll put my fork down and back away if the best part of meal is still sitting on my plate? And, of course, it's not like my saved favorite part that I'm over-eating to finish is the vegetables or lean protein.

And then this plays into another long-standing habit: I could be a competitive plate cleaner, I'm so good at it.  It still seems like such a waste to leave a few bites of food on my plate.  I try to counteract this by making sure my portion size is reasonable, but sometimes I misjudge.  I'm a mess, aren't I?

I'm not sure why, but I guess I thought that I'd be better at implementing habits and it seems like the way I'm built interferes with what LE is trying to teach me. It's getting easier -- if nothing else, I'm getting much better at recognizing these situations -- but I wonder how long it'll be before this is habit.  I know I'm whining a little bit, but this has seemed more difficult recently, for whatever reason.  

I suppose what I want - and I've said this before - is to come along far enough so that the healthy choices become my new ingrained habits.  I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life having to think every time I want to put food in my mouth.  That just makes my brain hurt, ya know?

Foodie Friday: Basil Cauliflower Pizza

I've decided to try a new weekly thing -- Foodie Friday -- where I talk about a recipe that I'm either going to make, or have made and decided is delicious.  I've really been trying to branch out and try new things, so this will keep me accountable (and y'all know that I love me some accountability!).

The first installment:  Basil Cauliflower Pizza

I haven't made this yet -- it's on the agenda for Saturday dinner, I believe -- but I've been wanting to forever!  I had been putting it off because ricing cauliflower was beyond my kitchen appliance abilities, but then I found an awesome video showing me how to do it in my blender, and that sealed the deal.

If I can find a way to have pizza that's admittedly not real pizza, but still a good facsimile (and healthy!), I'm all over it.  The internet seems to think this is a wonderful thing, so I'm going to give it a try.  And tell you what, I'll come back here and add an epilogue once I've made it and taste tested!

October 5th, 2013 ...Verdict?

It was ... a little better than just okay.  Certainly not pizza, though it was tasty.  I did a couple of things wrong, though -- I riced the cauliflower as in the video above and I should have let the cauliflower drain longer because when I formed the crusts, it was probably a little more liquid-y than it should have been.  Oh, and I forgot zucchini, so there were basically no vegetables on top.  Oops.

I'll probably try this again.  Even though it didn't taste like pizza, it did taste good and it at least scratched the itch for real pizza (for a bit, at least).

Not nearly as pretty, eh?  I also ran out
of room on the baking sheet, too. Bad
space management...

Dear Amazon...

Dear Amazon.com,

Laura here.  Yes, that Laura -- the one that has her credit card information memorized. I'm sure we're on a first name basis since you get so much business from me.  But, here's the thing:  we need to break up.  You've turned out to be my bad influence friend; I'm nothing but bad when I'm around you.  And frankly, my bank website is starting to get mad at me.  So, I bid a very sad adieu to you, 'Zon.  I'll miss you and all the wild times we shared.  Of course, you shouldn't feel badly -- it's me, not you.  Well, it's a little you.

                                       Much love,
                                           Your favorite impulse shopper.

Yes.  I have a problem.  I know it.  Amazon's 1-click shopping really is going to be the death of my bank account one of these days (but it's sooo easy! and wonderful!).

(Don't worry, I'm not completely serious about the breakup)

So, what I did I buy?  Something that I couldn't live another day without:  a Spiral Vegetable Slicer!  How exciting! (actually, I am excited)

Here's how it happened:  I was on my Lean Eating accountability group Google+ page (now there's a mouthful), minding my own business, when I saw a thread started by one of the ladies who was looking for recommendations for a vegetable spiralizer (sure that's a word... well, it is now).  In a matter of minutes, there was an "I love mine!" and an echo back "I love mine too! It's awesome!" ... and after a few more of these responses, I was hooked -- I cave easily to peer pressure -- and popped onto Amazon to look at it.

And you know what, people on Amazon love it, too!  My mind made up, it was in my shopping cart and paid for before I even knew what was happening.  Whoosh!

I will say that I'm looking forward to making things like sweet potato slices and zucchini pasta and maybe even some dried apple slices!  Doesn't that sound great?  I can't wait.  I'm already making a list of the foods I need to buy so I can play with it this weekend.

So - do you own one of these babies?  What's your favorite way to use it?

Up and running

So, the running thing has been moving along (heh, see what I did there?).  I've started getting out about 3 times a week, only about 10 miles, but it's more than I had been doing and I'm kinda proud of myself.

I'm so far from where I was, but I'm doing my best to keep that out of my head, because frankly, it messes with me a little. Makes me think, why try, I'll never get back to how fast I used to be.

But that's not fair to myself.  It's one of those voices that I need to quiet -- it has got to give me a break.  The point of running isn't to be as fast as I used to be 2 years ago, it's to be a better person than I was yesterday.  If I can say that I'm putting the effort in, then that's the point.  If I can say it's growing me as a person and runner, then that's the point. If I can say that I want to run again tomorrow, then that's the point.

And it wasn't like I was Flash Gordon in my previous running life, so the idea of getting back to that kind of speed isn't out of the question.  And it's something to work towards -- it might take me years to accomplish it, but I gotta tell you, the thought of reaching that goal keeps me at it. 

So that's where I'm at, just so you know.  I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do in my future life and stop worrying about what I did in my former life.

difficult-easy/difficult-difficult

This is a concept that Lean Eating introduced a few weeks ago but I hadn't brought up because it took me awhile to wrap my head around it enough to understand it. I got it on the surface, but the ability to really internalize it eluded me.

So - difficult-easy and difficult-difficult.  Generally speaking, these refer to things that are all hard, but in the realm of hard, go from easy to difficult.

Difficult-easy is something that's hard to do, but I personally find easy or it's part of the same old routine.  For example, the workouts are difficult-easy for me -- I still have to schedule it, get it done, sweat it out, but for me this is something that doesn't require a lot of effort.  It's something I've done for a long time and so I don't even have to think about it, I just do it and there's little resistance to getting it done.

(I talk about resistance a lot, don't I?)

Difficult-difficult for me would be ditching my Diet Pepsi.  It's not only hard to give up something, but for me, giving up Diet Pepsi might make me cry (for a little while, at least). It's something I don't want to do, even though I know it's probably the best things for me.

But, there's more to it than just that.  Difficult-easy is the same old thing.  It's not something that grows you because it's familiar territory. Sure, maybe you're working hard and need to push through, but you've been there before and the pain is one you've had before.

On the other hand, difficult-difficult is that thing that pushes you out of your comfort zone.  One of those things that makes you feel uneasy and anxious, and really causes you to grow and experience new things, despite initial resistance. It's that thing you're scared of doing because you've never done it before.

And while I haven't specifically tagged things as difficult-difficult for me, I've certainly mentioned them:  being told to get the bad foods out of the house, being told to limit carbs (not even give them up, just start making better choices), and other things along these lines.  And I've noticed a trend:  I dislike it when someone (anyone!) tells me what to do (notice all the "being told" difficult-difficult things?).  There's a part of me that doesn't want to be bossed around, ya know?  It's a knee-jerk reaction that I need to be more mindful about, I suppose.

I know that I need to be open to new nutritional guidelines.  Again - and again - I mention how what I was doing wasn't working, especially long term, so I need to try different methods, even though my initial reaction is "hell, no!". You know, give myself a chance to develop that new lifestyle that I keep yapping about.

And anyway - I'm actually paying these people to tell me what to do.  So, duh.  Listen to them, Laura.  Either that or I need to start paying myself $99/month...